So, yesterday I finished my first quarter of College, I honestly never thought I would go for it, but I did. It looks like all of my grades are good, and I should be starting into the Game Development Program next quarter. I have learned a lot so far, the hardest part hasn't been learning new things, it is trying to remember all of the stuff I learned ten years ago in High School. I am ready for the three week break that is upon me, as a matter of fact, unless it has been for the kids or the Commander, I haven't done anything today. I like that. I think I will read, and finally get back on my PS3 for some COD action, that has been long overdue. I like getting back into the world of learning though, I enjoy a good challenge, and school provides me with that on a daily basis. This is turning out all "Feelings and crap" that has got to go.
I went to pick the Alien up from school today, oh yeah, the Alien and the Diva are in school together. Anyway, I went to pick him up from school and I was standing off to the side of the playground, just watching him play with his friends. I notice that he has two girls following him around, and two others are yelling his name. The Alien stops, turn to the girls on the slide yelling to him, looks up and says, "I will save you Princesses!" I lost it, my son has a brilliant imagination. He then runs over to the slide, steps up to the ladder, pauses and looks up to the girls, swelling out his chest he asks them, "What can I do for you ladies?" The girls start to scream and point behind him, he urns and the girls scream "DRAGON!!!!" The Alien, with swift action, climbed the ladder and took up defense on the top. Brandishing his sword, he bellowed out to the Dragon, "Come and get me you ugly bag of guts." The princesses were terrified, yet the Alien told them it would all be fine. The Dragon approached and reared its head, fiercely inhaling, preparing to make an Alien barbecue. The Alien raised his shield covering the Princesses and himself, suddenly a rush of heat consumed them, they were all scared for their lives, except the Alien. The Alien stood up after the flames were gone, staring directly into the Dragon's eyes, he raised his sword and struck the Dragon, killing it instantly. Satisfied with his kill, he turned to the Princesses and said, "We need to go.... Now!" With that they made their escape down the slide and out to safety.
The Alien was leading the four girls around the playground like a train set, he turned left they followed in-line, he turned right they did as well. Hey stopped and again so did the girls.
Ladies Man?!?! I think so....
About Me
- Tim Cannon
- Utah, United States
- This is where I will attempt to relay the symptoms of my delusion.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
I'm back.
Alright, Celia, here you go. Well I sat long and hard for about ten seconds, trying to figure or what I would write about. I still haven't thought of anything. I do have a new addition to the family, his name is Marvel, he is 5 months old and covered in fur. No the Commander's genetics didn't come through strong on another child of ours. I have a puppy, he is a pure bed Border Collie, he is now about 45 pounds, and he is a great companion for both myself, and the rest of the Family. I am trying to teach him all of the basic commands, sit, stay, lie down. Once we have these mastered, I will teach him how to put Saran-Wrap on the toilet seat, and of course, how to drive my truck. Dogs are funny animals, you can sit and watch them and never have to turn the television on again. For instance, Marvel likes to lick windows when The Commander is on the other side cleaning them. He loves to sit on the kids and the other dog, he will always lead an attack with his rest end and then once the subject is pinned he goes in for the kill. He loves to parachute into small South American countries, with nothing but a combat knife, and a red bandana, and overthrow a tyrannical regime. He like long walks on the beach, and he likes to cuddle under the stars.
I will share a story, one time Marvel the Super dog Aka Agent M, went to a little country called _____________, and he infiltrated the presidents security posting a dog. Once he was inside he only had 22 and a half minutes to take out the president. After he had located the president, who was outside on the lawn, he squatted down and peed on his carpet. He knew this would start a chain reaction, a guard saw him, scolded him and walked him to the back door, letting him outside. He crept up to the president slowly, being sure to keep his head in the game, he got within give feet and the president turned around. In the presidents hand, there was a dog treat, how could he know thought Agent M. Instantly his tail started to wag, and he could feel himself rapidly losing focus. Concentrate, he barked inside his head. Suddenly, he rolled over into his back, and the president knelt down to pet him, then, Bam. The president was shot down by Agent M, as the guards closed in M had no choice, so he fought. He took out the first guard with some Judo he learned in a fight club in Lebanon, second guard he used Ninjitsu that he learned in Panama. He made his way through the flocks of guards, and finally got to a cliff that overlooked the Ocean. He had no choice so he jumped, he deployed his parachute, and landed safely on a passing U.S. Navy Battleship. Once he was home he crawled back into his kennel, and slept the night away. The next morning he filled me in on what happened, I asked him why he killed the president instead of taking the dog treat. He looked me in the eyes and said, it was an Alpo treat, you know I only eat Purina.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Moving, and Other fun stuff.
So, today has been a great day. We are packing up all of our stuff to move. Let me tell you, The commander and the Diva could use some downsizing. We have so much stuff that we hardly ever use. Oh well, it is what it is, I am in charge of packing and cleaning the Kitchen..... FUN!!! I have made it a fun little game, kind of like Cinderella, wash this, clean that, pack those, etc. I have been singing and dancing around the kitchen all day.... Yeah, right.
I did get a chance to go out to the Garage and work on "The Beast" today. Got some new Spark Plugs, Mirror's, Headlights, and Cab Lights. Now it looks like a Shiny new bucket of rust, ready to hit the trails this summer baby. Now I just need to go get it legal, that is the challenge, I got the exhaust done a few months ago, and The Beast sounds awesome. Might be a little too loud, we will see.
The Diva and The Alien have no toys at the moment, being that we packed them all up. They have resorted to other means of entertainment, The Aliens new favorite past time is to run up, punch me in the back of the legs, and then when I turn around to scowl at him he screams and punches at me and runs to his room. Reasonable. The Diva has taken a more sophisticated approach, she skips the punching and just goes right into screaming and running to her room.
I had sleep-overs with them over the last two days, Monday was Daddy's night with the Alien. We watched the Old-School Batman (Adam West) and he eventually fell asleep, so I came out to the living room and started to play, Mass Effect 2. I went back into his room and fell asleep on the worlds most uncomfortable couch. It was lovely.
Tuesday night was my sleep-over with the Diva. We watched Band Slam, did eachothers nails and hair, and she fell asleep on her bed. So, I came out and watched Bollywood movies with the Commander. Then like a genius, I pulled the worlds most uncomfortable couch into the Diva's room and fell asleep. Why, did I do that you may ask. I have packed up our Air Mattress. Now my back is hurting, and I am sleep deprived. Can't wait for tonight, sleeping in MY bed, I am even considering kicking the Commander out and making her sleep on the uncomfortable couch.
Anyway, I am now being beckoned to corral the kids, the Commander is going to kill them.
Timmy OUT!
I did get a chance to go out to the Garage and work on "The Beast" today. Got some new Spark Plugs, Mirror's, Headlights, and Cab Lights. Now it looks like a Shiny new bucket of rust, ready to hit the trails this summer baby. Now I just need to go get it legal, that is the challenge, I got the exhaust done a few months ago, and The Beast sounds awesome. Might be a little too loud, we will see.
The Diva and The Alien have no toys at the moment, being that we packed them all up. They have resorted to other means of entertainment, The Aliens new favorite past time is to run up, punch me in the back of the legs, and then when I turn around to scowl at him he screams and punches at me and runs to his room. Reasonable. The Diva has taken a more sophisticated approach, she skips the punching and just goes right into screaming and running to her room.
I had sleep-overs with them over the last two days, Monday was Daddy's night with the Alien. We watched the Old-School Batman (Adam West) and he eventually fell asleep, so I came out to the living room and started to play, Mass Effect 2. I went back into his room and fell asleep on the worlds most uncomfortable couch. It was lovely.
Tuesday night was my sleep-over with the Diva. We watched Band Slam, did eachothers nails and hair, and she fell asleep on her bed. So, I came out and watched Bollywood movies with the Commander. Then like a genius, I pulled the worlds most uncomfortable couch into the Diva's room and fell asleep. Why, did I do that you may ask. I have packed up our Air Mattress. Now my back is hurting, and I am sleep deprived. Can't wait for tonight, sleeping in MY bed, I am even considering kicking the Commander out and making her sleep on the uncomfortable couch.
Anyway, I am now being beckoned to corral the kids, the Commander is going to kill them.
Timmy OUT!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
The Commander is going to hate me for this.
So, I have to tell you, and I am really laughing as I tell this story. The Commander already says that I owe her for this one. LOL, she is not at all pleased that I want to share this with the world, but sometimes, you just have to be embarrassed.
Ok, so the other day was Valentines, we did the usual, I got her flowers, and a Sobe. I would have gotten her Chocolates, but we are trying to diet, so no sweets for the Commander and I. Anyway, we spent the day with the Diva and the Alien, we had a good day. Then time came for us to put the kids to bed, we didn't really have a plan, so we did what we usually do, sat on the couch and turned on a movie.
Over the weekend, The Commander made me watch those sappy, Romantic Comedies. We went to see,
then we came home and watched
Well, I had enough with the chick flicks for the Valentines Day weekend. So, I convinced the Commander to watch a less than Romantic Movie.
So Monday night, I was flipping through our On Demand selection, and I came across a great Valentines Day movie.
Ok, so the other day was Valentines, we did the usual, I got her flowers, and a Sobe. I would have gotten her Chocolates, but we are trying to diet, so no sweets for the Commander and I. Anyway, we spent the day with the Diva and the Alien, we had a good day. Then time came for us to put the kids to bed, we didn't really have a plan, so we did what we usually do, sat on the couch and turned on a movie.
Over the weekend, The Commander made me watch those sappy, Romantic Comedies. We went to see,
No Strings Attached.
then we came home and watched
Life As We Know It.
So Monday night, I was flipping through our On Demand selection, and I came across a great Valentines Day movie.
My Soul To Take.
This movie was all that you could look for in a Romantic Comedy, Blood, guts, Gruesome Horror. It was Great. The Commander will most likely disagree, but I liked it quite a bit.
Now down to the funniest part of our Valentines Movie Experience. We were watching one of those really suspenseful parts, where the Killer is about to pop out and murder the hell out of some innocent victim. The suspense is building, I look over at the Commander and see that she is lifting her hand to cover her eyes. Suspense builds, Commander preparing with hand. Usually, the Commander starts this barrage of slapping against whatever part of my body is closest to her hand, and I usually just start to laugh at her. However, tonight, she was apparently, not aware of her surroundings and right as the big scary surprise came, she reaches up and slaps herself across the face.
Now, any good husband would immediately jump up and hug her and make sure she didn't give herself a concussion. I however, being as awesome as I am, rolled over and belted out a laugh that would wake the dead person that was so gruesomely murdered on the screen. I laughed so hard that she started to laugh, and all of my blasphemy was forgiven. I still laugh like a Jackal when I think about it. Thank you my love for providing us with endless entertainment.
Timmy OUT!!!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
The End!
Date: 23-976-18 G.F. (Galactic Foundation)
In Earth years it would be the year 8,476 A.D. however, the earth is no longer in the equation. Twelve years ago the Earth was swallowed by the Sun. Earth was abandoned long before its destruction. Forty-Five Years before the event, Human-kind realized the earth was destined to die when the Sun swallowed the planet Mercury. Preparations were made to abandon Earth in search of a new planet. The people of Earth realized the need for worldwide cooperation, and formed the United Republic of Earth.
The U.R.E quickly placed all of the world’s scientists into Laboratories with the best technologies, massive budgets, and endless possibilities. These brilliant Men and Women quickly discovered many of the tools necessary to travel into space with large ships and for unimaginably long distances. The U.R.E. also gathered the best and brightest engineers in the world and commissioned them to design and build the ships with the technologies the scientists created. The workload was massive, and they had less than twenty years to design and build the final products.
• 2,000 Scout Class Cutters (54 Personnel)
• 1,000 Armada Ships ( 173 Personnel)
• 400,000 Interstellar Liners (164 Personnel, 50,000 Passengers)
• 1,000 Transport Ships (87 Personnel, Capable of carrying 100,000 Tons)
As the Humans first launched into Space they had no clue what they were about to discover. After millions of miles traveled and fifteen long, hard years in space, the scout ship U.R.S. Pacific, was the most outlying ship in the fleet. Searching for any life, or Planets that could sustain life, the Pacific was accompanied by the Armada U.R.S. Cincinnati. The Cincinnati was the main docking station for the Pacific, and three other Scout ships.
Joshua Temple, who was an exceptionally skilled American astronaut, had been involved with NASA for many years before the U.R.E. was established. Temple was the Captain of the Pacific, he had taken over command the ship five years prior to this day. This was Temple's final voyage as Captain of the Pacific. The ship was fourteen hours away from the Cincinnati when they came across an anomaly in the vast nothingness, as they approached the anomaly they picked up on a gravitational pull. The pull was powerful and started to draw them into the anomaly.
“What is that?” asked Temple “Put the thrusters in full reverse.” “Aye Captain, full reverse now.” said the ships pilot, Ensign Vernon. . As the Pacific lurched backwards, engines straining to produce the power necessary to pull them out of the whirling cloud of space dust that lie in front of them. The hull started to pop, and creak, the Pacific suddenly lost all power and was sucked immediately into the cloud. The hull of the ship was pounding and twisting as they entered the cloud. Unsure what was going to happen to his crew, Capt. Temple attempted to contact the Cincinnati, however his communications had gone down in the power loss and the emergency generator was not producing any power.
Suddenly, everything went silent, the power returned to the ship. Bewildered, Capt. Temple pulled up his com station, "Attention, crew members; it appears that we have been pulled into some sort of vortex. Everybody check your stations, I need a Sit-rep. Captain Temple out." From the Engineer deck squawked the com box in front of Capt. Temple, "Bridge, this is First Lieutenant Scully, Engine 1 and core 1 are damaged, we can only get 65% power out of it, the ship’s hull is slightly damaged, Sir. We can still fly, but we need to do some serious repairs."
"Roger that Scully." Replied Temple. "Do we have the ability to repair that engine in flight?"
"Negative, sir the core ruptured causing the bearings to overheat." Replied Scully "Luckily we contained the cores radiation, I will need to disassemble the engine in order to repair it."
"Dammit," Said Temple "How is our comm's, can we reach the Armada Cincinnati?"
"Negative, sir” A beautiful voice, with a smoky Australian accent, came over the intercom that belonged to Petty Officer Best. "It is as if there is interference from this cloud, sir"
"Thank you Pretty Officer," replied Temple, "does anyone know exactly what this is?"
Suddenly, Temple saw lights whipping by the windows of the ship, he stood up and walked over to the window. He stood next to the window and watched as everything around them flashed by so fast that it started to blur into one bright light. Shielding his eyes from the light, he stumbled back to the comm station. "Does anyone have any answers for what is going on?" he demanded.
The ship started to shudder and vibrate, slightly noticeable to the crew, it then grew more violent. Anything that was not already on the floor from the last event was now being thrown to the floor, against the walls, and even up to the ceiling. The ship started to pitch and roll uncontrollably.
"Level us out Vernon, do whatever you have to. Just keep us steady!" Demanded Temple.
"I am trying sir, my thrusters are ineffective, I am not able to control this." Replied Vernnon, "I am going to 50%
power on main engines, to try and control her, Captain."
As Vernon thrust the throttle lever forward, the ship rocketed forward. Forcing it's way through the cloud of gas and dust, finding themselves in the vast openness of space again. Suddenly all was quiet. "Shut her down Vernon, I need a damage report from all stations." Temple announced into the intercom.
"Sir, Engines are still operational, no new damages to report," replied Scully.
"Roger, how are the comms looking, Best?" Inquired Temple.
"Sir, the comm station is functional," replied Best "I am trying to hail the Cincinnati as we speak."
"Captain Temple!" announced the navigator, Petty Officer Cortez. "You really need to see what I have on my radar, Sir."
Temple, rushed over to the station that Cortez was occupying, as he looked at the radar his heart skipped a beat. The images that he was looking at could only be what the human's had imagined for millenia. He was looking at a fleet of ships, the smallest of which, was still larger than the ship he was commanding. He was looking at ships that were…. Alien.
“Cortez.” said Captain Temple, “We have found Aliens.”
“Captain, I have the Cincinnati on Comms,” Stated Best “They said they lost track of us, Sir.”
“Lost track?” Temple replied with a sense of shock “What do they mean lost track?”
“Sir, I have figured out our locUuuuuuation,” stated Cortez “I have triangulated our position, and it appears that we are 1.3 Million light years from the Cincinnati!”
“Say that again” said Temple.
“We are 1.3 Million Light years away from the Cincinnati, Sir” Repeated Cortez. “The only logical explanation sir is that we hit a worm-hole, a tunnel through space. Also, Sir, we have one of the unfamiliar ships approaching us.”
“Petty Officer Best, report back to the Cincinnati what we have found and our location.” ordered Temple “Cortez does that ship look friendly?”
“Vernon, prepare for evasive maneuvering, we don’t know what it is that they want.” said Temple.
Temple ran to his comm station and brought up a broadcast on all internal channels for the ship. “Attention crew of the Pacific, we are currently being approached by a ship. This ship is not one of our own, we are still unsure of their intent. Everyone needs to take to their stations and be prepared for anything. We have apparently traveled through a worm-hole and we are currently outside of range of the Cincinnati, they will not be able to offer us any support. I need everyone on the landing crew to suit up and get your weapons ready in case this is a hostile vessel, Temple out.”
The whole time he was announcing, Temple watched vigilantly as the ship crept ever closer, the indicators on the screen showed that the ship was less than five miles out. He was moving quickly, at his pace he will be on top of the Pacific in less than fifteen minutes. Temple stood in the center of the bridge motionless, terrified of what was coming. The curiosity and courage overpowered the other feelings, and Temple reached down to turn the comm station to broadcast on all external channels, in an attempt to reach the foreign craft.
“Attention, this is the U.R.S. Pacific; we are here in search of a habitable planet. We mean no harm.” Temple hung on the last word, wondering if his attempts were all in vain. “We have come here to learn from you what we can, and to attempt to share our civilization and customs with you.”
As the ship came within a mile, Temple ordered Vernon to power up the engines in case they needed to evacuate the area. Suddenly an indicator chimed and best came over the intercom. “Sir, we have an incoming transmission, it is noIt in any language that I have ever heard.” Petty Officer Best patched the transmission through to Temple’s console and it broadcast to him. “I can’t understand this,” said Temple “does it sound aggressive or threatening to you Best?”
Suddenly the message stopped and started again this time in English.
“Attention, we are the escort ship Ilsyium, we are the escort for this trade caravan. We mean you no harm. Do you need assistance?" At this time the escort ship had stopped half a mile from the Pacific. The broadcast started over again in what had to be an alien language, and continued to cycle over and again.
Temple hurriedly pulled up his communication console, and related to the escort ship. "We are from the planet Earth, or planet was destroyed by our sun. We are in search of a habitable Planet, we mean no harm, and yes, we do need help."
Temple reached into his jacket and pulled out a small flask. Contemplating for a moment, he unscrewed the lid and upturned the flask, drinking the whole contents. As the last drop of the Tennessee Sour Mash Whiskey left the flask, he winced at the burn in his throat. "This better be worth it." He said as he turned to Vernon, "That was the last of the good stuff; nobody can make whiskey like they did in Tennessee."
Suddenly the transmission from the alien ship stopped mid-sentence, Temple turned back to his communication console, and saw that another message was coming through. This time he broadcast it through the entire ship.
In a voice so deep and raspy it was almost inaudible; the message came through from the other ship.
"Hello," said the voice "my name is Commander Glaxius." The crew sat in awe as they heard this voice that was too low to be considered human, and wondered how this being could possibly know their language.
"We intend you no harm," said Glaxius "we have scanned your ship and found that you have a damaged engine. Do you need help fixing it?"
Temple stood astounded, searching desperately for the words he needed to say. With hundreds of questions racing through his head, Temple managed to find the words to reply.
"Commander Glaxius, this is Captain Temple. We have just traveled through, what we can only believe is a worm-hole, we sustained damage to our engine and power core during the jump. We believe that we have traveled 1.3 Million light years from our fleet." Temple paused for a moment to collect his thoughts. "We do need some assistance, and we have many questions." Temple stated, Closing his broadcast with "Captain Joshua Temple, U.R.S. Pacific, out."
Temple turned around and sat down in. his chair. Turning back to his console he waited the next transmission from Glaxius. "Petty Officer Best, I want you to record, and transmit the rest of these conversations to the Cincinnati," ordered Temple.
"Yes sir," replied Best, "the Cincinnati is also requesting a situation report sir."
Just then the speaker in front of Temple, came to life with another transmission from Glaxius.
"Captain Temple, we have two engineers onboard my ship, would they be able to board your ship, in order to look at your damaged engine?" Asked Glaxius, "I understand you may have.... Inhibitions, about letting us board your ship. It is against the laws of the Galactic Foundation, for us to harm an unidentified species, without first being attacked."
Captain Temple paused for a moment to address his crew.
"Attention crew of the Pacific, we are being offered help by an unidentified species. I am inclined to accept this offer, however, die to the gravity of this decision; I am opening this up to your input. Speak now if you have any opposition or concern."
The intercom lay silent, not one person on the ship voiced a concern. Slowly, Ensign Vernon turned to the captain and said. "Sir, we are stuck out here, the ship cannot handle another round of that wormhole."
"Crew," said Temple, "Thank you for your support in this decision. Landing crew, set up your defenses in the cargo bay, they will most likely be landing a shuttle in there. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the moment of truth, we are unarmed externally and we cannot out run them in the event of an attack. Stay sharp." Temple switched off the intercom, and flipped on his external broadcast.
"Commander Glaxius, we would appreciate the assistance, we are preparing or ship’s cargo area to dock your shuttle,” Said Temple.
"Hakluq, Antro get to the shuttle," barked Glaxius in his native tongue.
Glaxius sat in the command seat, of the run down, old, and filthy Class V Escort Ship. The console, however run down It may have seemed to the average onlooker, was still far more advanced technologically. The ship itself was a marvel of engineering in comparison to the Pacific. The big bulky ship was capable of speeds that were unimaginable to the human race. Out of the cargo hold of the Escort ship, Temple saw a small vessel exit the ship. There was no way that there could be more than three people on board judging by the size of the smaller ship.
As the jump ship approached Temple rang over the intercom, "Jump ship approaching, starboard side. Open the cargo bay, and be prepared." Temple ran down to the observation deck where he could watch over the cargo bay. He was still very unsure about all of this; alien races have always been thought to be hostile. Yet, here they are making the largest discovery in the history of Earth and their speculations could quite possibly be incorrect. The weight of the situation was almost unbearable.
Temple needed a moment to prepare his thoughts and prepare a proper welcome, the U.R.E. had created protocols for this type of instance, and however, these protocols are not going to be effective here. As the bay door to the cargo hold opened, the crew stood in amazement as they watched the fog clear as the oxygen was evacuated from the area. They had seen this hundreds of times, every time they found a rock in space large enough to house the population of what was once Earth, yet this time it had an ominous feeling about it. Temple stood in awe as the foreign ship approached the cargo hold, lining up with the landing pad the foreign ship moved into the bay and touched down gently on the landing pads markings. Temple gave the orders to close the cargo bay, as the doors closed sealing the foreign ship inside their vessel Temple noticed that the Jump ship was a simple design it looked to have no sort of armament. The jump ship was a muted grey, it had dirty, faded red stripes running down the sides of the ship. The symbol on the side was very intriguing; neither Temple nor the rest of the crew had seen anything like that in their recollection of Earth’s history. As the cargo bay oxygenated a green light flipped on and the alarm turned off, this was indicating that the bay could now be occupied by the personnel. Temple signaled the landing crew to advance into the Cargo hold and prepare for the arrival of their guests.
The doors on the jump ship popped outward and started to move upward as the Landing crew took their positions. As the doors reached their open position, they crew of the Pacific stood on edge waiting for what was about to exit the ship. Suddenly the saw a figure moving inside the cockpit of the jump ship, out of the ship came a small bodied figure. Temple observed as the being that looked like a short very skinny human exited the ship, this being was no more than four feet tall and could not possibly have weighed more than 70 pounds. He was wearing what appeared to be a respirator helmet; it had a dark shell with a large visor, and what looked like a filtered face guard. His suit was simple; it was dark leather, which fit very tightly, and it had pouches hanging off of it that carried all sorts of tools. The figure reached back into the ship and grabbed a large box, the box was twice the size of the figure and it appeared to be heavier than anything a human could move, especially alone, yet this figure moved it around without even straining. Following that, came the second figure, he seemed to be clumsier that the other, he was only a few inches taller and weighed about the same. As the second one exited the ship, he stumbled and fell crashing into the first figure. The first figure threw the box to the floor of the cargo bay, turned around and punched the second. In a language unfamiliar to Temple and his crew, the two figures started to yell; they pushed each other around and started to laugh.
As the figures finished grabbing their equipment from the ship they closed the doors and moved toward the landing crew, they stopped about five feet from the welcome crew and looked at the men standing there. They broke the awkward silence when the first figure, the shorter more graceful of the two, said.
“We come in peace, take me to your leader.”
He held up his right hand and fashioned a familiar sign from many movies that had been made on Earth about aliens. The second figure began to squawk and laugh at what had apparently been a joke, Temple quite relieved moved to the door for the cargo bay. Upon entering the cargo bay the first figure again broke the silence and said
“I see that your leader has come to us.” He chuckled with his barky type of laugh.
“Hello sir,” the first figure stated “you are Captain Temple I presume? My name is Haklug, I am the Lead Engineer for our ship the Ilsyium. This is Antro, my apprentice. We are of the species Loagdi and we are by nature a harmless people.“
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!
In Earth years it would be the year 8,476 A.D. however, the earth is no longer in the equation. Twelve years ago the Earth was swallowed by the Sun. Earth was abandoned long before its destruction. Forty-Five Years before the event, Human-kind realized the earth was destined to die when the Sun swallowed the planet Mercury. Preparations were made to abandon Earth in search of a new planet. The people of Earth realized the need for worldwide cooperation, and formed the United Republic of Earth.
The U.R.E quickly placed all of the world’s scientists into Laboratories with the best technologies, massive budgets, and endless possibilities. These brilliant Men and Women quickly discovered many of the tools necessary to travel into space with large ships and for unimaginably long distances. The U.R.E. also gathered the best and brightest engineers in the world and commissioned them to design and build the ships with the technologies the scientists created. The workload was massive, and they had less than twenty years to design and build the final products.
• 2,000 Scout Class Cutters (54 Personnel)
• 1,000 Armada Ships ( 173 Personnel)
• 400,000 Interstellar Liners (164 Personnel, 50,000 Passengers)
• 1,000 Transport Ships (87 Personnel, Capable of carrying 100,000 Tons)
As the Humans first launched into Space they had no clue what they were about to discover. After millions of miles traveled and fifteen long, hard years in space, the scout ship U.R.S. Pacific, was the most outlying ship in the fleet. Searching for any life, or Planets that could sustain life, the Pacific was accompanied by the Armada U.R.S. Cincinnati. The Cincinnati was the main docking station for the Pacific, and three other Scout ships.
Joshua Temple, who was an exceptionally skilled American astronaut, had been involved with NASA for many years before the U.R.E. was established. Temple was the Captain of the Pacific, he had taken over command the ship five years prior to this day. This was Temple's final voyage as Captain of the Pacific. The ship was fourteen hours away from the Cincinnati when they came across an anomaly in the vast nothingness, as they approached the anomaly they picked up on a gravitational pull. The pull was powerful and started to draw them into the anomaly.
“What is that?” asked Temple “Put the thrusters in full reverse.” “Aye Captain, full reverse now.” said the ships pilot, Ensign Vernon. . As the Pacific lurched backwards, engines straining to produce the power necessary to pull them out of the whirling cloud of space dust that lie in front of them. The hull started to pop, and creak, the Pacific suddenly lost all power and was sucked immediately into the cloud. The hull of the ship was pounding and twisting as they entered the cloud. Unsure what was going to happen to his crew, Capt. Temple attempted to contact the Cincinnati, however his communications had gone down in the power loss and the emergency generator was not producing any power.
Suddenly, everything went silent, the power returned to the ship. Bewildered, Capt. Temple pulled up his com station, "Attention, crew members; it appears that we have been pulled into some sort of vortex. Everybody check your stations, I need a Sit-rep. Captain Temple out." From the Engineer deck squawked the com box in front of Capt. Temple, "Bridge, this is First Lieutenant Scully, Engine 1 and core 1 are damaged, we can only get 65% power out of it, the ship’s hull is slightly damaged, Sir. We can still fly, but we need to do some serious repairs."
"Roger that Scully." Replied Temple. "Do we have the ability to repair that engine in flight?"
"Negative, sir the core ruptured causing the bearings to overheat." Replied Scully "Luckily we contained the cores radiation, I will need to disassemble the engine in order to repair it."
"Dammit," Said Temple "How is our comm's, can we reach the Armada Cincinnati?"
"Negative, sir” A beautiful voice, with a smoky Australian accent, came over the intercom that belonged to Petty Officer Best. "It is as if there is interference from this cloud, sir"
"Thank you Pretty Officer," replied Temple, "does anyone know exactly what this is?"
Suddenly, Temple saw lights whipping by the windows of the ship, he stood up and walked over to the window. He stood next to the window and watched as everything around them flashed by so fast that it started to blur into one bright light. Shielding his eyes from the light, he stumbled back to the comm station. "Does anyone have any answers for what is going on?" he demanded.
The ship started to shudder and vibrate, slightly noticeable to the crew, it then grew more violent. Anything that was not already on the floor from the last event was now being thrown to the floor, against the walls, and even up to the ceiling. The ship started to pitch and roll uncontrollably.
"Level us out Vernon, do whatever you have to. Just keep us steady!" Demanded Temple.
"I am trying sir, my thrusters are ineffective, I am not able to control this." Replied Vernnon, "I am going to 50%
power on main engines, to try and control her, Captain."
As Vernon thrust the throttle lever forward, the ship rocketed forward. Forcing it's way through the cloud of gas and dust, finding themselves in the vast openness of space again. Suddenly all was quiet. "Shut her down Vernon, I need a damage report from all stations." Temple announced into the intercom.
"Sir, Engines are still operational, no new damages to report," replied Scully.
"Roger, how are the comms looking, Best?" Inquired Temple.
"Sir, the comm station is functional," replied Best "I am trying to hail the Cincinnati as we speak."
"Captain Temple!" announced the navigator, Petty Officer Cortez. "You really need to see what I have on my radar, Sir."
Temple, rushed over to the station that Cortez was occupying, as he looked at the radar his heart skipped a beat. The images that he was looking at could only be what the human's had imagined for millenia. He was looking at a fleet of ships, the smallest of which, was still larger than the ship he was commanding. He was looking at ships that were…. Alien.
“Cortez.” said Captain Temple, “We have found Aliens.”
“Captain, I have the Cincinnati on Comms,” Stated Best “They said they lost track of us, Sir.”
“Lost track?” Temple replied with a sense of shock “What do they mean lost track?”
“Sir, I have figured out our locUuuuuuation,” stated Cortez “I have triangulated our position, and it appears that we are 1.3 Million light years from the Cincinnati!”
“Say that again” said Temple.
“We are 1.3 Million Light years away from the Cincinnati, Sir” Repeated Cortez. “The only logical explanation sir is that we hit a worm-hole, a tunnel through space. Also, Sir, we have one of the unfamiliar ships approaching us.”
“Petty Officer Best, report back to the Cincinnati what we have found and our location.” ordered Temple “Cortez does that ship look friendly?”
“Vernon, prepare for evasive maneuvering, we don’t know what it is that they want.” said Temple.
Temple ran to his comm station and brought up a broadcast on all internal channels for the ship. “Attention crew of the Pacific, we are currently being approached by a ship. This ship is not one of our own, we are still unsure of their intent. Everyone needs to take to their stations and be prepared for anything. We have apparently traveled through a worm-hole and we are currently outside of range of the Cincinnati, they will not be able to offer us any support. I need everyone on the landing crew to suit up and get your weapons ready in case this is a hostile vessel, Temple out.”
The whole time he was announcing, Temple watched vigilantly as the ship crept ever closer, the indicators on the screen showed that the ship was less than five miles out. He was moving quickly, at his pace he will be on top of the Pacific in less than fifteen minutes. Temple stood in the center of the bridge motionless, terrified of what was coming. The curiosity and courage overpowered the other feelings, and Temple reached down to turn the comm station to broadcast on all external channels, in an attempt to reach the foreign craft.
“Attention, this is the U.R.S. Pacific; we are here in search of a habitable planet. We mean no harm.” Temple hung on the last word, wondering if his attempts were all in vain. “We have come here to learn from you what we can, and to attempt to share our civilization and customs with you.”
As the ship came within a mile, Temple ordered Vernon to power up the engines in case they needed to evacuate the area. Suddenly an indicator chimed and best came over the intercom. “Sir, we have an incoming transmission, it is noIt in any language that I have ever heard.” Petty Officer Best patched the transmission through to Temple’s console and it broadcast to him. “I can’t understand this,” said Temple “does it sound aggressive or threatening to you Best?”
Suddenly the message stopped and started again this time in English.
“Attention, we are the escort ship Ilsyium, we are the escort for this trade caravan. We mean you no harm. Do you need assistance?" At this time the escort ship had stopped half a mile from the Pacific. The broadcast started over again in what had to be an alien language, and continued to cycle over and again.
Temple hurriedly pulled up his communication console, and related to the escort ship. "We are from the planet Earth, or planet was destroyed by our sun. We are in search of a habitable Planet, we mean no harm, and yes, we do need help."
Temple reached into his jacket and pulled out a small flask. Contemplating for a moment, he unscrewed the lid and upturned the flask, drinking the whole contents. As the last drop of the Tennessee Sour Mash Whiskey left the flask, he winced at the burn in his throat. "This better be worth it." He said as he turned to Vernon, "That was the last of the good stuff; nobody can make whiskey like they did in Tennessee."
Suddenly the transmission from the alien ship stopped mid-sentence, Temple turned back to his communication console, and saw that another message was coming through. This time he broadcast it through the entire ship.
In a voice so deep and raspy it was almost inaudible; the message came through from the other ship.
"Hello," said the voice "my name is Commander Glaxius." The crew sat in awe as they heard this voice that was too low to be considered human, and wondered how this being could possibly know their language.
"We intend you no harm," said Glaxius "we have scanned your ship and found that you have a damaged engine. Do you need help fixing it?"
Temple stood astounded, searching desperately for the words he needed to say. With hundreds of questions racing through his head, Temple managed to find the words to reply.
"Commander Glaxius, this is Captain Temple. We have just traveled through, what we can only believe is a worm-hole, we sustained damage to our engine and power core during the jump. We believe that we have traveled 1.3 Million light years from our fleet." Temple paused for a moment to collect his thoughts. "We do need some assistance, and we have many questions." Temple stated, Closing his broadcast with "Captain Joshua Temple, U.R.S. Pacific, out."
Temple turned around and sat down in. his chair. Turning back to his console he waited the next transmission from Glaxius. "Petty Officer Best, I want you to record, and transmit the rest of these conversations to the Cincinnati," ordered Temple.
"Yes sir," replied Best, "the Cincinnati is also requesting a situation report sir."
Just then the speaker in front of Temple, came to life with another transmission from Glaxius.
"Captain Temple, we have two engineers onboard my ship, would they be able to board your ship, in order to look at your damaged engine?" Asked Glaxius, "I understand you may have.... Inhibitions, about letting us board your ship. It is against the laws of the Galactic Foundation, for us to harm an unidentified species, without first being attacked."
Captain Temple paused for a moment to address his crew.
"Attention crew of the Pacific, we are being offered help by an unidentified species. I am inclined to accept this offer, however, die to the gravity of this decision; I am opening this up to your input. Speak now if you have any opposition or concern."
The intercom lay silent, not one person on the ship voiced a concern. Slowly, Ensign Vernon turned to the captain and said. "Sir, we are stuck out here, the ship cannot handle another round of that wormhole."
"Crew," said Temple, "Thank you for your support in this decision. Landing crew, set up your defenses in the cargo bay, they will most likely be landing a shuttle in there. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the moment of truth, we are unarmed externally and we cannot out run them in the event of an attack. Stay sharp." Temple switched off the intercom, and flipped on his external broadcast.
"Commander Glaxius, we would appreciate the assistance, we are preparing or ship’s cargo area to dock your shuttle,” Said Temple.
"Hakluq, Antro get to the shuttle," barked Glaxius in his native tongue.
Glaxius sat in the command seat, of the run down, old, and filthy Class V Escort Ship. The console, however run down It may have seemed to the average onlooker, was still far more advanced technologically. The ship itself was a marvel of engineering in comparison to the Pacific. The big bulky ship was capable of speeds that were unimaginable to the human race. Out of the cargo hold of the Escort ship, Temple saw a small vessel exit the ship. There was no way that there could be more than three people on board judging by the size of the smaller ship.
As the jump ship approached Temple rang over the intercom, "Jump ship approaching, starboard side. Open the cargo bay, and be prepared." Temple ran down to the observation deck where he could watch over the cargo bay. He was still very unsure about all of this; alien races have always been thought to be hostile. Yet, here they are making the largest discovery in the history of Earth and their speculations could quite possibly be incorrect. The weight of the situation was almost unbearable.
Temple needed a moment to prepare his thoughts and prepare a proper welcome, the U.R.E. had created protocols for this type of instance, and however, these protocols are not going to be effective here. As the bay door to the cargo hold opened, the crew stood in amazement as they watched the fog clear as the oxygen was evacuated from the area. They had seen this hundreds of times, every time they found a rock in space large enough to house the population of what was once Earth, yet this time it had an ominous feeling about it. Temple stood in awe as the foreign ship approached the cargo hold, lining up with the landing pad the foreign ship moved into the bay and touched down gently on the landing pads markings. Temple gave the orders to close the cargo bay, as the doors closed sealing the foreign ship inside their vessel Temple noticed that the Jump ship was a simple design it looked to have no sort of armament. The jump ship was a muted grey, it had dirty, faded red stripes running down the sides of the ship. The symbol on the side was very intriguing; neither Temple nor the rest of the crew had seen anything like that in their recollection of Earth’s history. As the cargo bay oxygenated a green light flipped on and the alarm turned off, this was indicating that the bay could now be occupied by the personnel. Temple signaled the landing crew to advance into the Cargo hold and prepare for the arrival of their guests.
The doors on the jump ship popped outward and started to move upward as the Landing crew took their positions. As the doors reached their open position, they crew of the Pacific stood on edge waiting for what was about to exit the ship. Suddenly the saw a figure moving inside the cockpit of the jump ship, out of the ship came a small bodied figure. Temple observed as the being that looked like a short very skinny human exited the ship, this being was no more than four feet tall and could not possibly have weighed more than 70 pounds. He was wearing what appeared to be a respirator helmet; it had a dark shell with a large visor, and what looked like a filtered face guard. His suit was simple; it was dark leather, which fit very tightly, and it had pouches hanging off of it that carried all sorts of tools. The figure reached back into the ship and grabbed a large box, the box was twice the size of the figure and it appeared to be heavier than anything a human could move, especially alone, yet this figure moved it around without even straining. Following that, came the second figure, he seemed to be clumsier that the other, he was only a few inches taller and weighed about the same. As the second one exited the ship, he stumbled and fell crashing into the first figure. The first figure threw the box to the floor of the cargo bay, turned around and punched the second. In a language unfamiliar to Temple and his crew, the two figures started to yell; they pushed each other around and started to laugh.
As the figures finished grabbing their equipment from the ship they closed the doors and moved toward the landing crew, they stopped about five feet from the welcome crew and looked at the men standing there. They broke the awkward silence when the first figure, the shorter more graceful of the two, said.
“We come in peace, take me to your leader.”
He held up his right hand and fashioned a familiar sign from many movies that had been made on Earth about aliens. The second figure began to squawk and laugh at what had apparently been a joke, Temple quite relieved moved to the door for the cargo bay. Upon entering the cargo bay the first figure again broke the silence and said
“I see that your leader has come to us.” He chuckled with his barky type of laugh.
“Hello sir,” the first figure stated “you are Captain Temple I presume? My name is Haklug, I am the Lead Engineer for our ship the Ilsyium. This is Antro, my apprentice. We are of the species Loagdi and we are by nature a harmless people.“
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!
The Beginning.
He woke up to the alarm of an incoming transmission, the shrill alarm was loud enough to scare the life out of anyone, yet he just slowly opened his eyes. As he opened his eyes he saw the familiar crisp white ceiling, the only flaw in the ceiling was one rivet that had come loose and fallen out. That rivet had fallen out so long ago that he couldn't remember when it happened, “I really need to fix that" he stated to himself in a rough hoarse voice. He slowly sat up in the bed as the alarm continued to sound, he shook off the sleep, and stretched his arms out.
"I will be right there," he shouted as if someone was able to hear him, "Be patient for hells sake."
The man stood up, and nearly hit his head on the ceiling. He had to have ceiling raised on the cabin, as this type of vessel was usually built for people shorter than he was. He had to have this ship though; none other in the galaxy were as fast and stealth as this one. He stretched one more time, and then made his way to his seat in the cockpit. He sat down and slammed his hand down onto a large button on the console, as that happened the alarm went silent. He pushed a button above his head and a beep sounded notifying him of the connection to the incoming transmission.
"Who is this and what do you want?" he barked at the receiver.
"Who do you think it is Victor." responded the caller, "I am the only one that wants to talk to you. You should ready be more pleasant; after all, I do pay you a lot of money."
"Hello Francis," Victor replied mockingly, "how are you doing today?"
"Just fine," replied Francis, "I have told you a thousand times to not call me Francis, my name is Frank. Anyway, I just got confirmation on that last job; your "thank you" has already been wired to the account, 100,000 Credits, as promised. Good work Victor."
Victor reached over to his keypad on his left, pressed some of the keys, and his account pulled up on the monitor above the keypad. "I see it," he responded, "What's next?"
"Well," said Frank, with a pause "I have two that you can choose from."
"How much do they pay?" asked Victor.
"This first one pays 85,000 Credits," responded Frank, "the second pays 50,000 Credits. Both are easy, observe and report, then terminate the target."
"I'll take both," responded Victor, "send me the files." He terminated the signal before Frank could respond.
Victor stood up from his seat; he walked through the bulkhead, past his cabin and into the galley. He stared at the processed dried rations he had aboard his ship, thinking how unappealing they looked.........
"I will be right there," he shouted as if someone was able to hear him, "Be patient for hells sake."
The man stood up, and nearly hit his head on the ceiling. He had to have ceiling raised on the cabin, as this type of vessel was usually built for people shorter than he was. He had to have this ship though; none other in the galaxy were as fast and stealth as this one. He stretched one more time, and then made his way to his seat in the cockpit. He sat down and slammed his hand down onto a large button on the console, as that happened the alarm went silent. He pushed a button above his head and a beep sounded notifying him of the connection to the incoming transmission.
"Who is this and what do you want?" he barked at the receiver.
"Who do you think it is Victor." responded the caller, "I am the only one that wants to talk to you. You should ready be more pleasant; after all, I do pay you a lot of money."
"Hello Francis," Victor replied mockingly, "how are you doing today?"
"Just fine," replied Francis, "I have told you a thousand times to not call me Francis, my name is Frank. Anyway, I just got confirmation on that last job; your "thank you" has already been wired to the account, 100,000 Credits, as promised. Good work Victor."
Victor reached over to his keypad on his left, pressed some of the keys, and his account pulled up on the monitor above the keypad. "I see it," he responded, "What's next?"
"Well," said Frank, with a pause "I have two that you can choose from."
"How much do they pay?" asked Victor.
"This first one pays 85,000 Credits," responded Frank, "the second pays 50,000 Credits. Both are easy, observe and report, then terminate the target."
"I'll take both," responded Victor, "send me the files." He terminated the signal before Frank could respond.
Victor stood up from his seat; he walked through the bulkhead, past his cabin and into the galley. He stared at the processed dried rations he had aboard his ship, thinking how unappealing they looked.........
Monday, February 14, 2011
The Man in the Desert.
The man stands in complete silence, his eyes are closed, and he can feel the sun burning on the back of his neck and shoulders. He stands so still and quiet that he can hear the breeze passing by his ears, and he can feel flecks of sand brushing across his cheeks. The air is hot and dry and as the man inhales, he can feel the air burn his lungs. He opens his eyes slowly and the light blinds him temporarily, he squints again and blinks a few times and he can see through the spots in his vision the landscape laid out before him. He is staring into a vast open desert, there is nothing but sand in front of the man. he slowly turns his head to look over his left shoulder, and there is nothing, just more sand. He blinks a few more times and turns his head to his right side, off in the distance he can see what appears to be a road. The road is miles away from where the man is standing, he can tell from here that the road is very unused, he stares for a minute longer at the road, hoping that he will see a car, or some other indication that he is not alone.
Quiet.... The man can hear the breeze still, and he notices that when he turns his head the sound changes, that helps him to distinguish which direction the wind is blowing. The man slides his right hand down into his cargo pocket on his right leg, unbuttoning the flap covering the pocket, he slides his hand inside and clamps his hand around a compass, he pulls it out and runs his thumb over the surface. There is an engraving on it, the engraving says, 'You are never lost, or alone!' The man looks at the compass, and cracks a small smile as memories flood his head. Memories, of his Family, his beautiful Wife and Children, his friends, ones that he will see, and ones that he will never see but always remember. He opens the compass, holds it up, and looks down at the face of the compass. He is facing Due North, Just the direction he needs to be heading. He looks back to the right, back to the road and waits, but nothing comes. Nothing, he is alone, he stands for a moment longer waiting in desperation, but nothing comes.
The man starts to walk North, he uses his compass to ensure that he is traveling in the proper direction, and embarks on his journey. Hours in the desert seem like days, days that do not end, the sun beats down, the water runs out. The Man, is walking North still, because North is the way home. Home, to his Wife and Children, and his friends that he will see. How far North, does this man need to travel? How many days, weeks, months, years, will it take for this man to get home and be with the people that love him, and that he loves?
Days turn into weeks, and the Man is still walking, heading North, because North is home.
Years now, spent wandering the desert. The man has endured all of the hardships, dehydration, starvation, delusion, sun burn, frost bite, and being alone. The man holds fast to his mission, his duty. He must return home. He must get out of this desert.
Look, up ahead, do you see it? In the distance, the light. It is home, home at last. The man starts to walk faster now, leaving miles behind him, he is closing in on home, but the light is not getting any bigger. He starts to run, but the light seems to recede the closer he gets. Now the man is sprinting, pushing with all of the might he can muster. Short on breath, he is striving to get within yelling distance so that he can call to his friends and family. The light is still too far away, still receding. The man starts to yell, running out of breath, he starts to scream. The light still recedes, farther and farther away. He can now hear voices, the laughter of his children, the sounds of his friends. Yet the light still evades him. The man sprints, pushing harder with his legs, harder than he has ever pushed. The light is getting farther, the man pushes harder. The light is still so far away, the man can feel the muscles in his legs start to tighten and cramp. The light is getting faint. The man stumbles and falls into the sand, he looks up and sees the light vanish. He screams as loud as he can trying to call to his family.
The man, stands up, and closes his eyes. The man stands in complete silence, his eyes are closed, and he can feel the sun burning on the back of his neck and shoulders. He stands so still and quiet that he can hear the breeze passing by his ears, and he can feel flecks of sand brushing across his cheeks. The air is hot and dry and as the man inhales, he can feel the air burn his lungs. He opens his eyes slowly and the light blinds him temporarily, he squints again and blinks a few times and he can see through the spots in his vision the landscape laid out before him. He is still in the Desert. Always in the Desert.
That, is my only dream. It never changes. I am that man in the desert.
Timmy OUT!
Quiet.... The man can hear the breeze still, and he notices that when he turns his head the sound changes, that helps him to distinguish which direction the wind is blowing. The man slides his right hand down into his cargo pocket on his right leg, unbuttoning the flap covering the pocket, he slides his hand inside and clamps his hand around a compass, he pulls it out and runs his thumb over the surface. There is an engraving on it, the engraving says, 'You are never lost, or alone!' The man looks at the compass, and cracks a small smile as memories flood his head. Memories, of his Family, his beautiful Wife and Children, his friends, ones that he will see, and ones that he will never see but always remember. He opens the compass, holds it up, and looks down at the face of the compass. He is facing Due North, Just the direction he needs to be heading. He looks back to the right, back to the road and waits, but nothing comes. Nothing, he is alone, he stands for a moment longer waiting in desperation, but nothing comes.
The man starts to walk North, he uses his compass to ensure that he is traveling in the proper direction, and embarks on his journey. Hours in the desert seem like days, days that do not end, the sun beats down, the water runs out. The Man, is walking North still, because North is the way home. Home, to his Wife and Children, and his friends that he will see. How far North, does this man need to travel? How many days, weeks, months, years, will it take for this man to get home and be with the people that love him, and that he loves?
Days turn into weeks, and the Man is still walking, heading North, because North is home.
Years now, spent wandering the desert. The man has endured all of the hardships, dehydration, starvation, delusion, sun burn, frost bite, and being alone. The man holds fast to his mission, his duty. He must return home. He must get out of this desert.
Look, up ahead, do you see it? In the distance, the light. It is home, home at last. The man starts to walk faster now, leaving miles behind him, he is closing in on home, but the light is not getting any bigger. He starts to run, but the light seems to recede the closer he gets. Now the man is sprinting, pushing with all of the might he can muster. Short on breath, he is striving to get within yelling distance so that he can call to his friends and family. The light is still too far away, still receding. The man starts to yell, running out of breath, he starts to scream. The light still recedes, farther and farther away. He can now hear voices, the laughter of his children, the sounds of his friends. Yet the light still evades him. The man sprints, pushing harder with his legs, harder than he has ever pushed. The light is getting farther, the man pushes harder. The light is still so far away, the man can feel the muscles in his legs start to tighten and cramp. The light is getting faint. The man stumbles and falls into the sand, he looks up and sees the light vanish. He screams as loud as he can trying to call to his family.
The man, stands up, and closes his eyes. The man stands in complete silence, his eyes are closed, and he can feel the sun burning on the back of his neck and shoulders. He stands so still and quiet that he can hear the breeze passing by his ears, and he can feel flecks of sand brushing across his cheeks. The air is hot and dry and as the man inhales, he can feel the air burn his lungs. He opens his eyes slowly and the light blinds him temporarily, he squints again and blinks a few times and he can see through the spots in his vision the landscape laid out before him. He is still in the Desert. Always in the Desert.
That, is my only dream. It never changes. I am that man in the desert.
Timmy OUT!
Friday, February 11, 2011
The Showdown at the Mall.
So, today, we decided to take the Alien and The Diva to the Mall. It started out great, we got to the mall, entered into the food court, and the first thing that hit us was the Smell of Orange Chicken. That stuff is delicious. Well, The Commander, The Diva, and Myself, all wanted to get food from the Chinese restaurant. The Alien, in his attempt to disrupt the rotation of the Earth, demanded that he eat something different. Why would he want to eat something different you might ask. He is The Alien, he has to go against the grain. So, The Commander took him over to the Chicken Restaurant, and they ordered processed breaded Chicken, which could have very well been, tofu, The alien didn't even bother with it, he had one piece and ate one of the waffle Cut Fries, and that was it. Again, he has to go against the grain, and this was only the beginning of the adventure.
So, the Primary mission is to get the Diva some clothes... Surprise. Knowing that the Alien and I would rather stab ourselves in the eyes with toothpicks than go clothes shopping for a girl, we opted to go to Gamestop. Now, we get into Gamestop, and I start scanning over the titles, The Alien see all of the ones that he 'NEEDS' me to buy. I swear, they put all of the kids games down on the bottom, just to piss parents off. The Alien, carrying a Monster Jam video game, running toward me, coat flowing like a cape behind him, he bounds over one of the center displays and does a triple backflip landing on his feet. I am speechless.
"Monster Trucks Daddy," He says, "Buy it!"
"Ummmm, not right now buddy," I manage to spit out after witnessing his amazing aerial stunt.
The lights flicker and Dim, and I see the Aliens eyes start to glow red. "Monster trucks, Daddy!!!" Demands the Alien. I look over my shoulder and see the kid behind the counter is not going to be any help, he got so scared he passed out on the counter, or else he was just playing 'Possum'. Regardless, I grab one of the Guitar Hero Guitar's and held it up cowering in front of the Alien. The Alien seeing this as a challenge reaches over and grabs another Guitar, standing still he raises his right hand, and snaps his fingers. Instantly the lights shut off and the far wall lights up, low and behold, we are having a Guitar Hero showdown. The Song, Charlie Daniels, "The Devil Went Down to Georgia." As I try to figure out if I am supposed to play this Guitar like a Fiddle or if I am supposed to use it as a Guitar, I just start mashing buttons and I am keeping pace fairly well. My solo is over and now it is The Aliens turn, the lights from the ceiling start to glow red. Smoke starts to flow from the Aliens fingertips and he turns to me as he is playing and says, "You ain't got nothin' on me fool." Then smiles and looks back at the wall where the games images are being projected.
The Final Results, after we played for hours, my fingers are bleeding, and I am sick with exhaustion. The Alien is standing next to me looking at me like I am such a girl, he was not even phased by the showdown. The Scores flash up onto the screen.
The Alien, it actually said that,
99.95% Complete *Excellent*...
Daddy, the sucky loser, Unfortunately it said that too.
99.96% Complete..... *Wait What* How is this possible....
The Alien turns to me, fire blazing from his eyes, where he used to have hair was now nothing but flames glowing green and yellow. He raises, his hand, opens it up, looks me in the eye, and says...
"Ok, Daddy. we can get the game next time, ok."
"Ummmm, ok?" I reply wearily, "that sounds like a plan buddy."
Timmy OUT!
So, the Primary mission is to get the Diva some clothes... Surprise. Knowing that the Alien and I would rather stab ourselves in the eyes with toothpicks than go clothes shopping for a girl, we opted to go to Gamestop. Now, we get into Gamestop, and I start scanning over the titles, The Alien see all of the ones that he 'NEEDS' me to buy. I swear, they put all of the kids games down on the bottom, just to piss parents off. The Alien, carrying a Monster Jam video game, running toward me, coat flowing like a cape behind him, he bounds over one of the center displays and does a triple backflip landing on his feet. I am speechless.
"Monster Trucks Daddy," He says, "Buy it!"
"Ummmm, not right now buddy," I manage to spit out after witnessing his amazing aerial stunt.
The lights flicker and Dim, and I see the Aliens eyes start to glow red. "Monster trucks, Daddy!!!" Demands the Alien. I look over my shoulder and see the kid behind the counter is not going to be any help, he got so scared he passed out on the counter, or else he was just playing 'Possum'. Regardless, I grab one of the Guitar Hero Guitar's and held it up cowering in front of the Alien. The Alien seeing this as a challenge reaches over and grabs another Guitar, standing still he raises his right hand, and snaps his fingers. Instantly the lights shut off and the far wall lights up, low and behold, we are having a Guitar Hero showdown. The Song, Charlie Daniels, "The Devil Went Down to Georgia." As I try to figure out if I am supposed to play this Guitar like a Fiddle or if I am supposed to use it as a Guitar, I just start mashing buttons and I am keeping pace fairly well. My solo is over and now it is The Aliens turn, the lights from the ceiling start to glow red. Smoke starts to flow from the Aliens fingertips and he turns to me as he is playing and says, "You ain't got nothin' on me fool." Then smiles and looks back at the wall where the games images are being projected.
The Final Results, after we played for hours, my fingers are bleeding, and I am sick with exhaustion. The Alien is standing next to me looking at me like I am such a girl, he was not even phased by the showdown. The Scores flash up onto the screen.
The Alien, it actually said that,
99.95% Complete *Excellent*...
Daddy, the sucky loser, Unfortunately it said that too.
99.96% Complete..... *Wait What* How is this possible....
The Alien turns to me, fire blazing from his eyes, where he used to have hair was now nothing but flames glowing green and yellow. He raises, his hand, opens it up, looks me in the eye, and says...
"Ok, Daddy. we can get the game next time, ok."
"Ummmm, ok?" I reply wearily, "that sounds like a plan buddy."
Timmy OUT!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
The Commander and I.
So, the Commander and I are two very complex people, I am going to try to relay to you how crazy she is and how normal I am. First of all we have been together for Ten years, that is a pretty long time, at least long enough to finally realize why we love eachother and why we love to but heads like two Big Horn Sheep. You see, The Commander comes from a very long line of Strong Stubborn women... And I come from a long line of people that don't care. You see there is a time to stand your ground and a time to just accept defeat and let her ruin.... I mean Run your life... Seriously though, The Commander is not and has never tried to ruin my life. If anything she has been an inspiration to me for as long as I have known her. Now, don't think that I am a big ol' softy, I am not, I just like to give her the respect she gives me.
Down to the point of this entry. I am going to take you through our differences, and again try to prove why she is crazy, and I of course am not.
We will start with Music. I am fairly well rounded in my Music taste. I like everything Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Eric Clapton, to bands like Hatebreed, Heaven Shall Burn, and even include some Hip-Hop.
The Commander HATES, Led Zeppelin, How is that even possible. Also, she Hates Pink Floyd, I try to brainwash her all the time into loving Floyd and Zeppelin, but, she is stubborn as they get. So, my efforts are futile, no matter how hard I try to turn her into one of my mindless drones, it just doesn't take. I am gonna have to step it up a bit and start taping her eyelids open and make her watch, The Wall, Over and Over again, until she is Trained.
Movies, Like any woman, and yes, I do realize that I am stereotyping, but it is ok for right now. Like any woman, The Commander, loves Romantic Comedies, you guys will know them as the movies that make you wanna gag, with how un-realistic and cheesy they are.
I, on the other hand, enjoy good quality films such as, 28 Days Later, Full Metal Jacket, Apocalypse Now, Platoon, Nightmare on Elm Street, Saw... And she is still so stubborn to watch any of these quality films when presented to her. I do not know, why, someone would not love these classic pieces of Cinema History. I can only assume, that it has to do with the fact that she is a Woman, and has poor taste. Also, she loves Pride and Prejudice, seriously........ Sorry I fell asleep just thinking about that movie.
Books, The Commander is quite the fan of the Sookie Stackhouse Series. She also reads the Stephanie Plum books. I have never read them, but just to go ahead and be judgmental, these books are not worth my time, which is now very vital that I utilize my time efficiently, being that I have no job....
Good books are, The Davinci Code, anything about War. Also, The Sherlock Holmes stories, those are phenomenal. She again is so stubborn, that she refuses to even attempt to read the good books that I have preselected for her, without even taking her taste into consideration.
Television, The Commander loves shows like, Teen Mom 2, Vampire Diaries, anything on HGTV, and she loves the Ghost Hunting Shows. Seriously with all of the wonderful things on TV she chooses this dribble to watch. I am lost at how to brainwash her into watching shows that interest me. For instance, GOOD shows on TV are How It's Made, Future Weapons, Most HBO Mini-series, except for season 2 of True Blood, that was horrible. I try all the time to set the DVR for my shows and I try to erase her recordings. Somehow, she still gets them recorded.
Anyway, those are our differences, I try to manipulate her will so that I can enjoy a life without her sappy girly interuption, but, I am still unsuccessful.
On a serious note, I am not, and have never tried to Make the Commander do what I want when I want. I want her to be able to express herself and enjoy life as much as I do. I just need to subliminally, train her to want me to choose everything for her. We have had quite a few years together, and I can honestly not tell you what the secret is to making a relationship work, especially when there are so many differences. I do know that it has taken a lot of patience on both of our behalves, and everyday presents a new challenge. As long as we take it on head on as a team, we will make it through everything that stands in our way.
Timmy OUT!!!
Down to the point of this entry. I am going to take you through our differences, and again try to prove why she is crazy, and I of course am not.
We will start with Music. I am fairly well rounded in my Music taste. I like everything Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Eric Clapton, to bands like Hatebreed, Heaven Shall Burn, and even include some Hip-Hop.
The Commander HATES, Led Zeppelin, How is that even possible. Also, she Hates Pink Floyd, I try to brainwash her all the time into loving Floyd and Zeppelin, but, she is stubborn as they get. So, my efforts are futile, no matter how hard I try to turn her into one of my mindless drones, it just doesn't take. I am gonna have to step it up a bit and start taping her eyelids open and make her watch, The Wall, Over and Over again, until she is Trained.
Movies, Like any woman, and yes, I do realize that I am stereotyping, but it is ok for right now. Like any woman, The Commander, loves Romantic Comedies, you guys will know them as the movies that make you wanna gag, with how un-realistic and cheesy they are.
I, on the other hand, enjoy good quality films such as, 28 Days Later, Full Metal Jacket, Apocalypse Now, Platoon, Nightmare on Elm Street, Saw... And she is still so stubborn to watch any of these quality films when presented to her. I do not know, why, someone would not love these classic pieces of Cinema History. I can only assume, that it has to do with the fact that she is a Woman, and has poor taste. Also, she loves Pride and Prejudice, seriously........ Sorry I fell asleep just thinking about that movie.
Books, The Commander is quite the fan of the Sookie Stackhouse Series. She also reads the Stephanie Plum books. I have never read them, but just to go ahead and be judgmental, these books are not worth my time, which is now very vital that I utilize my time efficiently, being that I have no job....
Good books are, The Davinci Code, anything about War. Also, The Sherlock Holmes stories, those are phenomenal. She again is so stubborn, that she refuses to even attempt to read the good books that I have preselected for her, without even taking her taste into consideration.
Television, The Commander loves shows like, Teen Mom 2, Vampire Diaries, anything on HGTV, and she loves the Ghost Hunting Shows. Seriously with all of the wonderful things on TV she chooses this dribble to watch. I am lost at how to brainwash her into watching shows that interest me. For instance, GOOD shows on TV are How It's Made, Future Weapons, Most HBO Mini-series, except for season 2 of True Blood, that was horrible. I try all the time to set the DVR for my shows and I try to erase her recordings. Somehow, she still gets them recorded.
Anyway, those are our differences, I try to manipulate her will so that I can enjoy a life without her sappy girly interuption, but, I am still unsuccessful.
On a serious note, I am not, and have never tried to Make the Commander do what I want when I want. I want her to be able to express herself and enjoy life as much as I do. I just need to subliminally, train her to want me to choose everything for her. We have had quite a few years together, and I can honestly not tell you what the secret is to making a relationship work, especially when there are so many differences. I do know that it has taken a lot of patience on both of our behalves, and everyday presents a new challenge. As long as we take it on head on as a team, we will make it through everything that stands in our way.
Timmy OUT!!!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
The Frog's..... The Horror..
So, today I want to share a story from my time in Germany. Those of you that knew me in Germany and/or have been to Germany can hopefully appreciate this.
The Commander and I were just sitting in our apartment in Butzbach, Germany. We usually went for drives around Germany whenever we were bored, which still to this day is one of the favorite past times in our little family. This night was much like the rest, we got on the Autobahn, and just started driving, we took the first exit that looked interesting to us. Sure enough, this was a very interesting road we had chosen to drive on. The road slowly turned from a four lane road into a two lane road and it started to wind back and forth. Outside was so dark, all we could see was the headlights shining off of the road, and occasionally we could see the trees off the side of the road from the headlights. We came to a small city, and slowed down, we could tell that there was a river next to the town and we were amazed at the little town in the dead of night.
As we were leaving the town we saw a sign that looked much like the sign in this picture. The Commander and I both got a good chuckle out of the sign, making mocking jokes about how we are going to encounter 'Suicidal Frogs' as funny as it was we had no idea how true the statements actually were. About a mile down the road, it sounded like we went over a rumble strip on the side of the road, hmmmm not too concerning though. Then we heard....
Thunk..... Thunk, thunk....... Thunk, thunk, thunk, thunk, thunk. Then we realized that we were committing Vehicular Frogicide. I could now see on the road in front of us there were hundreds if not thousands of frogs in the road, and I had no chance of missing them. So I did what I could to try and avoid driving through the large groups. I looked over at The Commander and noticed that she was turning pail, evidently the idea of running over hundreds of frogs did not sit well with her stomach. Needless to say, we took a different route home, and we have always thought it was funny that there is a road in Germany where all of those frogs go to commit Frogicide.
Anyway, that is the story.
Timmy OUT!!!!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
The Alien is first up, I place him on the counter, he savagely tears the packaging away from the crust. I cut the top off of the sauce packet and tell him. "SLOWLY, squeeze the sauce onto the pizza."
"Ok Daddy." he says with a sly smile on his face. he grabs the packet and with his Kung-Fu Grip, he squeezes the crap out of the sauce packet. Now all would have been dandy, IF I had cut the opening all the way, but I didn't. The pressure built in the sauce packet, like it was 800 Million gallons of water flowing through a drainage pipe, then, suddenly, it exploded out of the hole. The sauce now traveling at Warp Speed hit the crust, and ricocheted off. Sauce flying everywhere, I grab the alien and combat roll him off of the counter. We land on the floor and the sauce covers everything. Actually, just a little drop got onto the counter, but it makes for a better story the other way. Now, it is time for cheese, I tell the Alien "Grab a handful, and place it on the crust." Apparently that is to be understood as, "Grab a handful and smash it in between your fingers and punch it into the center of the crust"..... Which is what happened. So, I wipe off his hand, fix the pizza to make it at least resemble a pizza, and kick him out of the kitchen.
Now, The Diva, She walks in and gives me that look. You know the one that says, Dad I can do this myself. So, I grab her and lift her up to the counter. She allows me to open the crust, apparently, plastic is her kryptonite. I open the crust and set it on the paper towel, I am a quick learner. She looks at me, shakes her head and reaches over to the crust, and centers it on the paper towel. She truly is my daughter. I reach over, grab the sauce, cut the top off and hand it to her. Like a surgeon, she squeezes a small amount onto the crust, moves over to the other side and repeats this until she has four even piles of sauce spread around the crust.
"Spoon." she demands holding out her hand, eyes still fixed on the surgery she is preforming.
I reach over and hand her the spoon. She reaches down with the spoon and lets it hover just over the Pizza. Then gently sets the spoon onto a pile and moves the sauce around. Repeating this until the sauce is spread over every inch of the crust.
"Cheese." She announces, holding out her hand.
" Not too much, honey." I say. Her eyes flash to me scolding me for speaking to her while she is in the middle of this surgery. I lift the cheese bag up, and hold it open for the Diva surgeon.
She reaches in, grabs a pinch, places it on the pizza. I know right now that this is going to get painful. She reaches in again to grab another pinch and places it on the pizza on the opposite half, and continues to do this until every inch of sauce is covered.
Now, Finally, I can get these pizza's in the oven. I pick up The Alien's pizza, holding it together, barely, and place it on the cooking stone. I grab for the Diva's pizza and she slaps my hand away. "I am going to hold it." She states with authority. I raise my hands and she gently picks it up off of the paper towel, careful not to let the pizza get off balance by even one degree. She scoots over and places it on the stone.
Now, into the oven. Bake at 450 Degrees, for 7-9 Minutes.......
Ding.....
Both of them run in behind me to see their Masterpieces. The Mad Surgeon and the Mad..... Well just Mad one. I reach in and they both gasp in disbelief.
"Huuuhhh." They say in unison. "They are gonna be hot."
Ummmmm......... Yeah, that is the point.
I get them onto the plates and start to cut the Alien's pizza, which is falling apart. Then I move over to the Diva's Pizza. That is when she notices.......... There is uncovered sauce on the edge. "Quickly," she yells, "get me 5 c.c.'s of cheese, and some hemostats. Code Red on the Dinner plate."
"Honey, it is fine if there is a little spot of uncovered sauce." I plead with her.
Disdainfully, she looks at me and says. "It will not taste good, if there is not enough cheese."
Rolling my eyes, I place a pinch of cheese on the uncovered spot. Which mind you, IS NOT MELTED!!!!!!
Then without any further complaints, the pizza is consumed, and guess what, the cheese fell off of the uncovered spot while I was cutting, and The Diva was none the wiser. just don't tell her that.
That, is how we make pizza in this house....
Timmy OUT!!!
Just another day....
The Alien is standing in my living room, wearing his "Kiss me I'm Irish" T-shirt, Toy story 3 underoos, and his Camouflage snow boots. If anyone has ever thought that this boy is Human, I present to you Exhibit A!
As he states to the Diva, "I'm not Human." (with a mouth full of Peanut butter and Jelly) We all know that this is an obvious statement, but we let him use humor to defend his true identity.
The Diva, has 'Squeeks' and is asking him if he likes her outfit. As well as threatening to dress him in her dolly clothes. "Because his Wedgie is showing!" she snaps back, when I ask her why she wants to dress him in the Ball gown. Apparently though, according to the Diva, his wedgie is cute.?.?.? I am utterly lost.
"Sit down at the table Alien!" I say.
"No, YOU are the alien!" he responds with, snarling and baring his teeth, as he runs back to the table.
If there has ever been a being on this Earth to intimidate me, he is the one.
The Commander is getting ready for the day, we are going to take the Diva to, The School of Divaliciousness. She teaches there before Kindergarten.
Now the Alien is asking how Dragon's toot, And of course the Diva proceeds to instruct him on how a Dragon would in fact 'Toot'. As I sit here on my couch, The Diva is showing me that we are wearing matching shirts. Squeeks is sitting on my shoulder, I sit paralyzed waiting for him to either bite off a piece of my ear or bite a hole in my shirt.
"What does 'S-O' mean MOM!!!" yells the Alien.
"So." responds the Commander.
"NO, it means Dragon." snaps back the alien.
Everything spells dragon today. Reminds me of the guy in 'The Stand' "M-O-O-N, that spells, Truck...."
The Alien has definitely got an imagination.
"Chew you food Alien." I say.
"Or I am going to call the Mother ship." throws in The Commander.
Silence, is all we get, the Alien realizes that is an empty threat. Alien's don't have cell phones. Imagine if they did, you could just text an alien. "Hey, pick up my neighbor 2night. He needs 2b abducted." Or, "Call me, we should party again, that probe thingy you had was a riot."
"I am growing a horn Daddy." Exclaims the Diva.
"Uh-oh," I respond, "Mommy, she is growing a horn...."
"She is after-all a Mormon," replies the Commander with a chuckle.
Anyway, the time has come for me to head out into the Wilderness, I have to go prepare the Covered Wagon for the long trek to the Elementary school. I need to get the horses ready, and check the tire pressure. Yes, we may still use covered wagons, but at least we have caught up enough with civilization that we have tires and 24" spinners.
Timmy OUT!!!
As he states to the Diva, "I'm not Human." (with a mouth full of Peanut butter and Jelly) We all know that this is an obvious statement, but we let him use humor to defend his true identity.
The Diva, has 'Squeeks' and is asking him if he likes her outfit. As well as threatening to dress him in her dolly clothes. "Because his Wedgie is showing!" she snaps back, when I ask her why she wants to dress him in the Ball gown. Apparently though, according to the Diva, his wedgie is cute.?.?.? I am utterly lost.
"Sit down at the table Alien!" I say.
"No, YOU are the alien!" he responds with, snarling and baring his teeth, as he runs back to the table.
If there has ever been a being on this Earth to intimidate me, he is the one.
The Commander is getting ready for the day, we are going to take the Diva to, The School of Divaliciousness. She teaches there before Kindergarten.
Now the Alien is asking how Dragon's toot, And of course the Diva proceeds to instruct him on how a Dragon would in fact 'Toot'. As I sit here on my couch, The Diva is showing me that we are wearing matching shirts. Squeeks is sitting on my shoulder, I sit paralyzed waiting for him to either bite off a piece of my ear or bite a hole in my shirt.
"What does 'S-O' mean MOM!!!" yells the Alien.
"So." responds the Commander.
"NO, it means Dragon." snaps back the alien.
Everything spells dragon today. Reminds me of the guy in 'The Stand' "M-O-O-N, that spells, Truck...."
The Alien has definitely got an imagination.
"Chew you food Alien." I say.
"Or I am going to call the Mother ship." throws in The Commander.
Silence, is all we get, the Alien realizes that is an empty threat. Alien's don't have cell phones. Imagine if they did, you could just text an alien. "Hey, pick up my neighbor 2night. He needs 2b abducted." Or, "Call me, we should party again, that probe thingy you had was a riot."
"I am growing a horn Daddy." Exclaims the Diva.
"Uh-oh," I respond, "Mommy, she is growing a horn...."
"She is after-all a Mormon," replies the Commander with a chuckle.
Anyway, the time has come for me to head out into the Wilderness, I have to go prepare the Covered Wagon for the long trek to the Elementary school. I need to get the horses ready, and check the tire pressure. Yes, we may still use covered wagons, but at least we have caught up enough with civilization that we have tires and 24" spinners.
Timmy OUT!!!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Big Game, and Big Bang!
Alright, today is the Sunday that we will all gather around our Picture Boxes, and watch a bunch of apes throw a funny looking ball at each-other. I am not totally against the Superbowl, I enjoy watching it, I simply don't understand the mass appeal. It is in the same category of Nascar, let's sit there and yell at people that can't hear us, while they do the same thing over and over an over....... And OVER....... Granted Football is challenging, I never played on a team but I had my fair share of Backyard Superbowls growing up, so I do understand the game and the fact that what they do is not easy. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy watching those apes in pads attempt to murder each-other with a banana shaped ball.
Now, I am going to draw a picture for you. It is early morning, the city is Baghdad, The temperature is hot enough to Bake one of those Stouffer's Lasagna's in ten Minutes, you know the ones that take like 4 hours to cook. The sun is always out, The air is as Dry as my Dad's sense of humor. I am getting ready to go get Breakfast, why did I become a driver.... If I had known I was going to be running meals back to the Bone-Yard I might have re-considered my offer. Today was in many ways, going to be just like every other day. Hot, miserable, and I would have to be driving all day. So, I jumped into my Jittny-Mobile and head out the Gate, I am lead vehicle, and I have my Gunner on the back of my truck.
Let's take a step back here, I want you to picture my truck. You know when you watch the movies, and you see the Humvee's with all of the armor? And you think to yourself, That actually looks pretty safe. Shift-Delete that image right out of your Memory. My Humvee was a Bikini Top, with no doors, and it had NO armor. It was like driving a jeep that was painted camouflage, I was not privileged to have an Armored Humvee, because, well none of us had them. We did get armor, but it was really just 1/4 inch steel plates that were welded and bolted to the surface of our trucks. Not necessarily there to stop bullets or shrapnel, mainly to try and slow it down enough that it would maim instead of kill.
Back to the story, I was running morning chow, I was driving like Mario Andretti, weaving in an out of traffic, running people off the road, I felt like a New York City Taxi driver. I made it safely to 501st Support battalion, where the worst slop you could ever taste waited in these big green containers, I grabbed our ration and took it back to the Bone-yard. Why do the containers need to be green, is the enemy going to find our crappy food and steal it if it is not in a Camouflaged container? Also, who decided that our food needed to taste like the sole of a combat boot? Anyway, I made it back, alive, and I blared the horn as I entered the compound, I was also an alarm clock for my two Battle-Buddies this Lazy Cuban and Greek.
This day was however going to be an interesting day. We had this enormous warehouse, this warehouse housed a multitude of ammunition, all of it was left over crap from the first war. RPG's, SAM's, guns , bombs, grenades, basically a Hillbilly heaven. In this plethora of death and dismemberment, there was this one piece of artillery, I liked to call it Sally, it was a 155 mm Artillery shell, it had been launched and landed, without exploding....... I am sure you can imagine.... THIS IS NOT SAFE!!! However, in the true nature of most of the locals out there, this was no big deal. Apparently it had arrived at our compound when one of the local men picked it up and carried it there.......... THIS IS NOT SAFE!!!!! Do not, PLEASE, think that there is any amount of intelligence in carrying unexploded ordnance. This man, evidently thought just the opposite. Well, we had our mission, it was to clear all of the Weapons of Minor destruction out of the warehouse and out to the desert and have a fireworks show. It came down to the end and nobody wanted to take Sally, they said she was dangerous and could not be trusted. So, we called in EOD.... *Ominous Tough guy Music* These guys are certifiably insane. Trust me, they play with bombs, as jealous as I am, I am not that brave.
Mid-day, all of the vehicles are moved back behind the Mansion (The only 'House' on the Compound) all of us are standing there huddled behind the wall, like kids waiting to be picked for Dodgeball. Trust me, you don't want to be picked for this game, the end result can be very messy. The EOD officer looks at us and says. "Alright, we are sending in the robot, the robot will sever the fuse from the bomb," (This is so cool, we are gonna blow a robot up) "you will hear one of two things, if it sounds like a shotgun...... That means we did it right, but if we didn't do it right, well you will know." So, now we are all standing there, I plug my ears as the EOD Officer begins to countdown.
5.......
This is going to be awesome.
4.......
Here it comes.
3.......
Inhale deeply.
2.......
Hold..... HOLD....
1.......
Snap, a shotgun sized blast, how disappointing...................................... BOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!
Holy Hell, I should have kept my fingers in my ears.
"Looks like we didn't do it right...." Chuckles the EOD guy.
I almost wonder if they even tried to disarm it or if they just wanted to blow some stuff up. Anyway you look at it, we all enjoyed the result.
Now, it is time to go observe the Damages. As we walk into the warehouse, there is a hole taller than me in the inner and outer wall. The cement below the shell has vanished and now there is a hole three feet around and about three feet deep. I turn around and I can see holes in the ceiling, 50 feet above our heads, holes in the far wall, about 300 Feet from where we are standing. Oh look at that, apparently we had forgotten to move this, It is a brand new engine for a M-88, oh and look there is a hole clean through it. OOPS! The recovery guys are not going to be too happy about this. There are holes the size of a fist through steel I-Beams, holes in everything, shrapnel the size of a human arm. It was fun. I am sure you can imagine. Anyway, I am getting stolen away from you, the Commander has plans for today, and apparently I am involved in them.
Timmy OUT!
Now, I am going to draw a picture for you. It is early morning, the city is Baghdad, The temperature is hot enough to Bake one of those Stouffer's Lasagna's in ten Minutes, you know the ones that take like 4 hours to cook. The sun is always out, The air is as Dry as my Dad's sense of humor. I am getting ready to go get Breakfast, why did I become a driver.... If I had known I was going to be running meals back to the Bone-Yard I might have re-considered my offer. Today was in many ways, going to be just like every other day. Hot, miserable, and I would have to be driving all day. So, I jumped into my Jittny-Mobile and head out the Gate, I am lead vehicle, and I have my Gunner on the back of my truck.
Let's take a step back here, I want you to picture my truck. You know when you watch the movies, and you see the Humvee's with all of the armor? And you think to yourself, That actually looks pretty safe. Shift-Delete that image right out of your Memory. My Humvee was a Bikini Top, with no doors, and it had NO armor. It was like driving a jeep that was painted camouflage, I was not privileged to have an Armored Humvee, because, well none of us had them. We did get armor, but it was really just 1/4 inch steel plates that were welded and bolted to the surface of our trucks. Not necessarily there to stop bullets or shrapnel, mainly to try and slow it down enough that it would maim instead of kill.
Back to the story, I was running morning chow, I was driving like Mario Andretti, weaving in an out of traffic, running people off the road, I felt like a New York City Taxi driver. I made it safely to 501st Support battalion, where the worst slop you could ever taste waited in these big green containers, I grabbed our ration and took it back to the Bone-yard. Why do the containers need to be green, is the enemy going to find our crappy food and steal it if it is not in a Camouflaged container? Also, who decided that our food needed to taste like the sole of a combat boot? Anyway, I made it back, alive, and I blared the horn as I entered the compound, I was also an alarm clock for my two Battle-Buddies this Lazy Cuban and Greek.
This day was however going to be an interesting day. We had this enormous warehouse, this warehouse housed a multitude of ammunition, all of it was left over crap from the first war. RPG's, SAM's, guns , bombs, grenades, basically a Hillbilly heaven. In this plethora of death and dismemberment, there was this one piece of artillery, I liked to call it Sally, it was a 155 mm Artillery shell, it had been launched and landed, without exploding....... I am sure you can imagine.... THIS IS NOT SAFE!!! However, in the true nature of most of the locals out there, this was no big deal. Apparently it had arrived at our compound when one of the local men picked it up and carried it there.......... THIS IS NOT SAFE!!!!! Do not, PLEASE, think that there is any amount of intelligence in carrying unexploded ordnance. This man, evidently thought just the opposite. Well, we had our mission, it was to clear all of the Weapons of Minor destruction out of the warehouse and out to the desert and have a fireworks show. It came down to the end and nobody wanted to take Sally, they said she was dangerous and could not be trusted. So, we called in EOD.... *Ominous Tough guy Music* These guys are certifiably insane. Trust me, they play with bombs, as jealous as I am, I am not that brave.
Mid-day, all of the vehicles are moved back behind the Mansion (The only 'House' on the Compound) all of us are standing there huddled behind the wall, like kids waiting to be picked for Dodgeball. Trust me, you don't want to be picked for this game, the end result can be very messy. The EOD officer looks at us and says. "Alright, we are sending in the robot, the robot will sever the fuse from the bomb," (This is so cool, we are gonna blow a robot up) "you will hear one of two things, if it sounds like a shotgun...... That means we did it right, but if we didn't do it right, well you will know." So, now we are all standing there, I plug my ears as the EOD Officer begins to countdown.
5.......
This is going to be awesome.
4.......
Here it comes.
3.......
Inhale deeply.
2.......
Hold..... HOLD....
1.......
Snap, a shotgun sized blast, how disappointing...................................... BOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!
Holy Hell, I should have kept my fingers in my ears.
"Looks like we didn't do it right...." Chuckles the EOD guy.
I almost wonder if they even tried to disarm it or if they just wanted to blow some stuff up. Anyway you look at it, we all enjoyed the result.
Now, it is time to go observe the Damages. As we walk into the warehouse, there is a hole taller than me in the inner and outer wall. The cement below the shell has vanished and now there is a hole three feet around and about three feet deep. I turn around and I can see holes in the ceiling, 50 feet above our heads, holes in the far wall, about 300 Feet from where we are standing. Oh look at that, apparently we had forgotten to move this, It is a brand new engine for a M-88, oh and look there is a hole clean through it. OOPS! The recovery guys are not going to be too happy about this. There are holes the size of a fist through steel I-Beams, holes in everything, shrapnel the size of a human arm. It was fun. I am sure you can imagine. Anyway, I am getting stolen away from you, the Commander has plans for today, and apparently I am involved in them.
Timmy OUT!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
My mission.
With this blog, I am going to try and bring light into your day through humor. I have come up with a list of things that I want to write about, I will most likely be posting numerous times a day, but One-a-Day should suffice if I feel lazy.
I have, as I said, come up with a list, these stories will all be true, with some twist to keep them lively, I have had quite a colorful life up to this point so I will be drawing from what I can remember. Needless to say this could get very interesting.
The List:
This one time at Boot Camp: I will be sharing many stories from my time in the U.S. ARMY. These stories will range from, Basic Training in South Carolina. All the way to the wonderful land of Iraq, I spent some time in Germany and you will get the best of that. I also spent some time in Maryland, I remember that I was there..... That is really all I can remember. Except for my friend, You know who you are.
I will also be filling your head with stories from my Childhood, those are always good ones. Either I was just that dumb as a kid that I was able to make awesome stories, or I had the worst luck a child could have. You decide. Also, I will be sharing stories of everyday life, like the day I found something, somewhere and it was the coolest thing you have ever seen. You know what it is I am talking about.
And last but not least, I will be adding short stories, and if I am able to remember I will just throw in some random stories. Like the time in Iraq when one of my best Friends lit himself on Fire. LOL's that was a good one, don't you agree.
Anyway, I am rambling, The commander is giving me the look..... Not that look, the look of get off of your computer. We are going to watch The American. I wonder if it is a French movie. Tell you when it is over.
Timmy OUT!
I have, as I said, come up with a list, these stories will all be true, with some twist to keep them lively, I have had quite a colorful life up to this point so I will be drawing from what I can remember. Needless to say this could get very interesting.
The List:
This one time at Boot Camp: I will be sharing many stories from my time in the U.S. ARMY. These stories will range from, Basic Training in South Carolina. All the way to the wonderful land of Iraq, I spent some time in Germany and you will get the best of that. I also spent some time in Maryland, I remember that I was there..... That is really all I can remember. Except for my friend, You know who you are.
I will also be filling your head with stories from my Childhood, those are always good ones. Either I was just that dumb as a kid that I was able to make awesome stories, or I had the worst luck a child could have. You decide. Also, I will be sharing stories of everyday life, like the day I found something, somewhere and it was the coolest thing you have ever seen. You know what it is I am talking about.
And last but not least, I will be adding short stories, and if I am able to remember I will just throw in some random stories. Like the time in Iraq when one of my best Friends lit himself on Fire. LOL's that was a good one, don't you agree.
Anyway, I am rambling, The commander is giving me the look..... Not that look, the look of get off of your computer. We are going to watch The American. I wonder if it is a French movie. Tell you when it is over.
Timmy OUT!
Pink Floyd calms the Alien.
Hello again, this morning started out like many had before. I was sleeping, which is usually how all mornings start. The Commander, got out of bed before me, which again, is how most mornings start. This particular morning, however, was not just a regular morning.
"We have a Top Priority mission," said The Commander, "so, get up out of that bed."
Like usual, I grunted and rolled over and fell asleep as soon as she left the room. She was not pleased.... So what does that shifty Minx do? She rallied The Diva, and The Alien.
"Alright troops," I heard The Commander say. "Your mission is to get your lazy, no good Father out of that bed."
Cheers of pure motivation exploded as the Misfits were released to bring me to swift justice. I could hear them, the sound was ominous, like the sound of blood thirsty savages bearing down on my position. As they approached, I prepared for the attack, I lifted my cloak of invisibility, some call it a comforter. Now fully invisible, or so I had hoped, I heard it, the sound of insanity, The Diva had just breeched the perimeter, it would only be moments until the Alien and her were stabbing at me with their plastic IKEA spoons from breakfast.
I held my breath...... Then, I felt it, two bodies landed on me. I didn't recall a diving platform in my bedroom, they must have used jet packs to gain altitude. Regardless of the how, they had nearly crushed me. As the battle raged on, I was becoming victorious. Eventually, both of the assailants were apprehended, I had them wrapped up in my robotic arms and I was administering, Forced Cuddling. They hate that.
Now, we are all dressed and ready to embark on our mission, the kids are in our low altitude wheeled cruiser. I am piloting, and the Commander is Navigating...... Ummmm, we aren't lost, are we?
Arrival at our destination, as we pull into the shuttle dock, The Alien yells.
"I am scared, I am not going in."
Apparently, going to a baptism is life threatening. So, we all go inside. The Alien is still not pleased, and starts to make this high pitched rhythmic sound, and water starts to come out of his face. So, I being the Daddy decided to take him back out to the vehicle in which we were transported here.
Panic sets in as I am trying to calm this apparently painful reaction to a baptism. So, I reach for this futuristic piece of technology, it stores music. I have heard rumor that when it is made public, it will be called the iPod. Don't quote me on that though. Anyway, I find this band Pink Floyd, and it instantly calms the Alien. Now it is time for another adventure.
Timmy OUT.
"We have a Top Priority mission," said The Commander, "so, get up out of that bed."
Like usual, I grunted and rolled over and fell asleep as soon as she left the room. She was not pleased.... So what does that shifty Minx do? She rallied The Diva, and The Alien.
"Alright troops," I heard The Commander say. "Your mission is to get your lazy, no good Father out of that bed."
Cheers of pure motivation exploded as the Misfits were released to bring me to swift justice. I could hear them, the sound was ominous, like the sound of blood thirsty savages bearing down on my position. As they approached, I prepared for the attack, I lifted my cloak of invisibility, some call it a comforter. Now fully invisible, or so I had hoped, I heard it, the sound of insanity, The Diva had just breeched the perimeter, it would only be moments until the Alien and her were stabbing at me with their plastic IKEA spoons from breakfast.
I held my breath...... Then, I felt it, two bodies landed on me. I didn't recall a diving platform in my bedroom, they must have used jet packs to gain altitude. Regardless of the how, they had nearly crushed me. As the battle raged on, I was becoming victorious. Eventually, both of the assailants were apprehended, I had them wrapped up in my robotic arms and I was administering, Forced Cuddling. They hate that.
Now, we are all dressed and ready to embark on our mission, the kids are in our low altitude wheeled cruiser. I am piloting, and the Commander is Navigating...... Ummmm, we aren't lost, are we?
Arrival at our destination, as we pull into the shuttle dock, The Alien yells.
"I am scared, I am not going in."
Apparently, going to a baptism is life threatening. So, we all go inside. The Alien is still not pleased, and starts to make this high pitched rhythmic sound, and water starts to come out of his face. So, I being the Daddy decided to take him back out to the vehicle in which we were transported here.
Panic sets in as I am trying to calm this apparently painful reaction to a baptism. So, I reach for this futuristic piece of technology, it stores music. I have heard rumor that when it is made public, it will be called the iPod. Don't quote me on that though. Anyway, I find this band Pink Floyd, and it instantly calms the Alien. Now it is time for another adventure.
Timmy OUT.
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Friday, February 4, 2011
So, I am unemployed, and starting school.
Ok, I am not sure who will read this, I figure now that I have more free time I should start a blog. Anyway, For those who don't know me, I am Tim, I have a beautiful Wife, and two crazy, but wonderful Children. I have a friend with a blog, and I saw that they had inserted code names for their Children, I like that, so without further ado.
Wife = *The Commander*
Daughter = * The Diva*
Son = *The Alien*
From now on any references to the above listed people will be through code names. I however, have already divulged my identity, therefore you should now know everything there is to know about me. Regardless of that fact, I am still going to give you a healthy back ground of me, the one reason you are here reading this.
I started life 27 Years ago in California, from what I remember, it was amazing. All that I had to do was sit, stare and drool all over myself. That was most likely the only time in my life that I could do NO Wrong...
Alas, That only lasted for a few years, this is where my memory goes south, I honestly cannot remember anything from when I was born up to about 15 Years old. I think Iraq had something to do with that, That however is an entirely different story.
15 years old, here I am, in Utah. What is there to do in Utah, well for me it was school, High School as a matter of fact. So, like a good boy I went, there was this one school that caught my eye, Brighton High School. Well it was really more that I had to go there being that I just lived down the street. None the less, Brighton was my school, I spent three years in that endless hallway, and finally found the exit. I made some great friends, and memories, I found the love of my life *The Commander* and stole her away. We made some stupid choices early on in our adventures, but we have come to making amends for those.
Together, The Commander and I jumped over the Atlantic, with some assistance of an Aeroplane. we decided to spend four years in Germany, The ARMY insisted that I stay in Germany. I did get to take one long vacation while I was in the ARMY, I went to a beautiful desert, with endless beaches (minus the ocean), and the temperature was always warm (100+) I spent 15 months in this desert wonderland and then realized that I had been Deployed to Iraq to fight a war....... What the Hell.... I wish I had some heads up .
Finally, I came home to Germany, and The Commander was waiting there for me. Much to my surprise she still wanted to be married, even though I had gone on this vacation without her. I was home for about thirty minutes and The Commander was already pregnant.
Enter *The Diva*, My little Girl joined us out in Germany, she was an angel sent from heaven, notice the use of Past Tense. The Diva is exactly that, imagine if you will, taking Patti Labelle, Christina Aguilera, Madonna, Beyonce, and Prince, put them all into a blender and aside from all of the blood and guts, what you would get is My Daughter. Attitude, is her strongest power, emotion is her ultimate weapon, and she has a Pair of lungs and vocal chords, that would make an opera singer depressed.
Now we are home, in Utah, The Commander, The Diva, and Myself. We are living the life and I am working a good job. Now enter, *The Alien*, This boy is not normal.... Trust me. He is the most interactive, unstoppable, psychopath I have ever met. He spends 90% of his waking hours building guns with his Lego's, then those guns are used to hunt down and destroy the rest of us, The Diva is usually the High Value Target. One day I am sure I will wake up to him standing over me smiling, and pondering how to rid the Earth of me. We all have to have something to look forward too....... Correct?
Now, I am sitting here on the couch, basking in all of my glory, unemployment is upon me, The Diva is arguing with The Commander about who's spot it is on the couch. They are both trying to sit on the same cushion. The Diva is now playing with her accessory pet, Squeeks, the Guinea Pig. I do not envy that Guinea Pig, he gets tortured more than a POW in Vietnam. The Alien is in the kitchen shooting something with his "G.I. Joe" gun, and carrying his Light-Saber around as his back-up weapon. Oh, and I am watching How It's Made, it truly is my favorite show.
Well, Thank you for sticking it out this long, I hope that you all now understand, whatever it was that I set out to inform you of. If not, ask someone else, I am still not even sure what it was.
Timmy OUT!!!!!
Wife = *The Commander*
Daughter = * The Diva*
Son = *The Alien*
From now on any references to the above listed people will be through code names. I however, have already divulged my identity, therefore you should now know everything there is to know about me. Regardless of that fact, I am still going to give you a healthy back ground of me, the one reason you are here reading this.
I started life 27 Years ago in California, from what I remember, it was amazing. All that I had to do was sit, stare and drool all over myself. That was most likely the only time in my life that I could do NO Wrong...
Alas, That only lasted for a few years, this is where my memory goes south, I honestly cannot remember anything from when I was born up to about 15 Years old. I think Iraq had something to do with that, That however is an entirely different story.
15 years old, here I am, in Utah. What is there to do in Utah, well for me it was school, High School as a matter of fact. So, like a good boy I went, there was this one school that caught my eye, Brighton High School. Well it was really more that I had to go there being that I just lived down the street. None the less, Brighton was my school, I spent three years in that endless hallway, and finally found the exit. I made some great friends, and memories, I found the love of my life *The Commander* and stole her away. We made some stupid choices early on in our adventures, but we have come to making amends for those.
Together, The Commander and I jumped over the Atlantic, with some assistance of an Aeroplane. we decided to spend four years in Germany, The ARMY insisted that I stay in Germany. I did get to take one long vacation while I was in the ARMY, I went to a beautiful desert, with endless beaches (minus the ocean), and the temperature was always warm (100+) I spent 15 months in this desert wonderland and then realized that I had been Deployed to Iraq to fight a war....... What the Hell.... I wish I had some heads up .
Finally, I came home to Germany, and The Commander was waiting there for me. Much to my surprise she still wanted to be married, even though I had gone on this vacation without her. I was home for about thirty minutes and The Commander was already pregnant.
Enter *The Diva*, My little Girl joined us out in Germany, she was an angel sent from heaven, notice the use of Past Tense. The Diva is exactly that, imagine if you will, taking Patti Labelle, Christina Aguilera, Madonna, Beyonce, and Prince, put them all into a blender and aside from all of the blood and guts, what you would get is My Daughter. Attitude, is her strongest power, emotion is her ultimate weapon, and she has a Pair of lungs and vocal chords, that would make an opera singer depressed.
Now we are home, in Utah, The Commander, The Diva, and Myself. We are living the life and I am working a good job. Now enter, *The Alien*, This boy is not normal.... Trust me. He is the most interactive, unstoppable, psychopath I have ever met. He spends 90% of his waking hours building guns with his Lego's, then those guns are used to hunt down and destroy the rest of us, The Diva is usually the High Value Target. One day I am sure I will wake up to him standing over me smiling, and pondering how to rid the Earth of me. We all have to have something to look forward too....... Correct?
Now, I am sitting here on the couch, basking in all of my glory, unemployment is upon me, The Diva is arguing with The Commander about who's spot it is on the couch. They are both trying to sit on the same cushion. The Diva is now playing with her accessory pet, Squeeks, the Guinea Pig. I do not envy that Guinea Pig, he gets tortured more than a POW in Vietnam. The Alien is in the kitchen shooting something with his "G.I. Joe" gun, and carrying his Light-Saber around as his back-up weapon. Oh, and I am watching How It's Made, it truly is my favorite show.
Well, Thank you for sticking it out this long, I hope that you all now understand, whatever it was that I set out to inform you of. If not, ask someone else, I am still not even sure what it was.
Timmy OUT!!!!!
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